Why menopause should be a topic of conversation for everyone!

I haven’t written anything on here for a year – which I am disappointed about. Not least because it genuinely is a cathartic thing to do. Today I felt like I wanted to capture some thoughts on a topic that I – now – feel like I want to talk about, and champion. The menopause.

A bit of a taboo subject I know and I debated whether to share this here so publicly, but when you feel that the dialogue needs to be louder on a topic that many will shy away from, I figured it might help.

It’s something I now feel hugely passionate about and I hope that sharing my recent experience will help others, especially in the workplace. A post shared here on LinkedIn by one of my marketing crew, is so important to so many, and not just women. Employers, men, friends, partners all need to be aware of the impact that menopause can have on women. After all, it happens to half of the population. Many of you will know that I work at PwC and our work at PwC on this topic has been brilliant in its recognition of what this means for men and women in the workplace.

I mean who wants to talk about periods?

I get that for some people this topic is a little taboo, I mean who wants to openly talk about periods right? But this is so much more than a hot flush or two and the time of the month. The reason this is important to me is because without the work that my colleagues and team mates at PwC have done to talk about this topic, I would never have known I was smack bang in the middle of menopause. It sounds strange to say that out loud and of course I debated sharing this so publicly, but I genuinely feel grateful for the answers I now have in what was an extremely unnerving time for me – and has to be said, for my husband too.

What do I mean by unnerving? If I’m honest I hadn’t been feeling ‘myself’ for around three years. Maybe longer. But I put what I was experiencing down to having had a child at 40 years old, (I’m nearly 46 now). Baby brain. Tired from trying to have a career, a young son, a marriage, a home. All the things that women tell themselves. But it was when I started to google ‘early dementia signs’ on a regular basis that I knew something was off.

Am I losing my mind?

I often joked with my husband that I would lose things before I’d even had a chance to. That I couldn’t remember a simple list of groceries. That I would feel worried or anxious about something very simple. And now he and I both look back and realise this was something that I coped with, or on some occasions didn’t cope with, for a long time, but hid well. It was also something that we now realise could have resulted in the breakdown of our marriage too, but thankfully didn’t. So you see, this is more than just a hot flush!

What triggered my trip to the GP was some pain I’d been having in my shoulder, neck and chest and some heart palpitations that were getting pretty regular and debilitating. I hadn’t shared this with anyone really, not even Stu. I also hadn’t really considered menopause despite a whole host of other symptoms that I’d kind of laughed off if I’m honest. Even when I was off work and I confided in a few people, their first reaction was “is work too much, do you feel stressed” and I guess I was there too. But it’s so easy to blame work and dive right into “it must be stress”. I love what I do, and yes I take my leadership and team responsibilities seriously, and it’s a place I thrive – but when the thing I loved also became tough because I couldn’t remember what I’d agreed, or names of people, or even how to do what I do best, I knew something else must be going on.

You’re not just stressed

A wonderfully considerate GP, a bunch of tests and a few weeks off work to see what was going on, found that while there were things to rectify, my blood tests showed I was in menopause. And very much so. To quote my doctor and the menopause specialist I have spoken to since “it’s no wonder you’ve felt like you couldn’t function”. My memory loss was really worrying me. Even just recently telling one of my team that my husband worked for a Bank that he hadn’t worked at in over ten years – and in the background Stu looking at me with a really puzzled face! The weight gain came very quickly. The achey joints. Itchy skin. Low concentration. The thinning hair. Anxiety in scenarios that never used to phase me. Insomnia. Worrying I would drop the ball at work. At times – and I know I can be dramatic – I honestly felt like I was losing my mind. But I ploughed on just thinking this was life and I’m sure so many other women do the same.

Did you know that there could be more than a million women with menopausal symptoms that feel like they can’t continue in their work because of the lack of support they are getting, both from their employer and their GP. A million women? “A poll of 2,000 women currently experiencing menopause or premenopausal symptoms across the UK, commissioned by Koru Kids, found 18 per cent were looking to leave their jobs because of their symptoms. Koru Kids estimates there are at least 5.87 million women of menopausal or premenopausal age currently working in the UK – extrapolated from data from the Office for National Statistics – meaning that at least 1,057,000 woman could be looking to quit because of their symptoms”. People Management January 2022

Isn’t that astounding? But I can see how this can happen. I am very fortunate to work for an employer that takes these issues seriously. I had a few weeks off to assess what might be going on health wise and came away discovering something entirely different. And I admit, when the doctor told me that my FSH levels were off the scale, I cried. Not because I was worried but because I was so relieved. I genuinely felt like I was slowly going crazy and my doctor told me she hears so many women say the same thing. I’d finally discovered what was going on. Yet to think that initially when I saw a private male GP, he told me to go onto antidepressants despite me not articulating symptoms related to clinical depression – this is a very common occurrence. Antidepressants help with clinical depression of course, but they are not the answer to menopause.

There are brilliant resources that can help

I have since found such a brilliant list of resources that have helped me understand the menopause, the power of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) in giving women their lives back (albeit I appreciate not everyone can take HRT) and how many women fly under the radar for fear of the stigma attached to this topic. If you haven’t heard of Dr Louise Newson, she is “paving the way for evidence-based care, treatment for women during peri-menopause and menopause”. The balance app has been invaluable for me and I encourage others who haven’t discovered this yet to give it a try. More importantly, HRT can be a live saver and I don’t say that lightly.

If you think about being diagnosed with a disease like diabetes or having thyroid problems, both hormone related, you are given medication to address the hormone deficiency or hormones lost. HRT should be afforded the same importance. Yet many GPs will not give it to women experiencing symptoms. I know it won’t be the answer for everyone or indeed the answer as a standalone, but for so many women it will help them feel like they can get back what they’ve lost. Because it can feel like you have lost part of who you were – and maybe then we won’t see this impact women in the workplace either.

I’m very early on in this journey and I’m sure there will be a lot that I learn as I go. I hope that by sharing my experience, and one I hid for a while for fear of what people might say, it can go some way towards ending the stigma surrounding menopause. All I know is that for the first time in a long time I feel a huge sense of hope, not just for me personally (I’m praying HRT works just so I can remember where my husband actually works), but also for other women who have been suffering in silence for way too long.

Let’s continually remind people that this topic matters and people need to know that menopause is more than just a hot flush!